I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
