Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I have fence marks all over my body
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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