So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
