Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
