Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
