he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
