I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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