I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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