ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
