We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
