peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
