so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
