you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
