If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
