Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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