some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
