She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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