Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
