apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
