how can u be prego again
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize