I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
