He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
