i'm signing you up for texting rehab
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
