he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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