don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
