he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
