Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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