i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
