I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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