i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
