you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
