My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize