I cannot find my penis.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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