Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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