Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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