We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
