you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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