why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
