Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
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