Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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