i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
