Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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