Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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