What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Dicks are not precious.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize