someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
