someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize