your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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