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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  Dude, just got a bummer.

  (1-502): View more from Kentucky

  What??

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  A blow job from a homeless chick.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.

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• (315): View more from New York

  you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.

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• (305): View more from Florida

  Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.

  (443): View more from Maryland

  im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?

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• (512): View more from Texas

  that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Still dying that you shit outside

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups

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