Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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