Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
