it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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