Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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