literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
