I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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