Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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