it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
