he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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