enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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