Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
this hospital has no fireball
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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