After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
