Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
