so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
