i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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