how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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