my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
