Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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