The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
