i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I've blown a few things in my day
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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