They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
