and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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