I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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