That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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