If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
