No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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