So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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