Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
